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The New K-Tel Ministry Idol Kit
Howdy Ho friends and neighbors! I just want to take
a minute to tell you about the new K-Tel Ministry idol kit; It's not like the old ministry idol kit with the boring robes
and hats; No, the K-Tel Ministry idol kit is new and improved, and it comes complete with the following items:
A ministry
diploma that allows everyone to call you "Reverend" and "Pastor". Wow!, just think of how all your friends and family will
think you are so holy and important!
2 Blow up dolls of fellow ministers that will pat you on the back and tell you
how wonderful you are. With optional extra flattery feature if you put money in their pockets!
3 cardboard cutouts
of ministry workers that you can look down your nose at as you pass them by. You can even prostrate them to make them grovel
before your feet.
A box made to look like a TV set with the screen cut out so that you can preach through it and manipulate
people for their money. Nobody will turn you down now!
One bottle of fake tears that you can squirt into your eyes
to make people think that you are really burdened for the lost and poor of this world. No more straining to cry!
A
list of high profile ministers that you can call and ask to be on your show, or you on theirs. Hey, they may even have the
ministry idol kit too; the fun will never end!
One miniature squawk box you can put on your lapel that says "Praise
the Lord!" and "Hallelujah! ". Just press the button for instant religious piety anytime of the day!
A three piece
paper suit or optional wagon train paper dress, so that you too can look religious and holy, and go tell everyone else how
worldly they look compared to you.
A big tablet of paper and a pen that you can keep track of all your good works
in one section, and a list of everyone else's sins in the other. No Pharisee can resist this!
And last but not least,
you get a pocket mirror that you can pull out anytime and look at just how holy, righteous, and magnificently worthy your
pious new life has become!
The only requirement to purchasing the new K-Tel Ministry Idol Kit is just a little bit
of arrogance, and a whole lot of selfish ambition. It's so easy! And if you order now, you will get a free complimentary demon
of spiritual pride with your new K-Tel Ministry Idol kit. Oh, who are we kidding?, you get the demon automatically when you
order the kit; It's guaranteed!
Just call 1-(666) IAM-GREAT, Yes that's "1-666-I-AM- Great! And get this, the only
cost is God's plan for your life, and possibly your salvation if your kit really works out well for you!
PHP 2:3 Do
nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should
look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ
Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself
and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross!
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