JOB 2:9 His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" 10 He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

I used to think that I had a lot of faith until God began shutting down my life, and like Job, each thing or person that I valued was being stripped away from me in a very short amount of time. Finally, I was living in an apartment and ran out of money and the lights got turned off, then the phone was turned off, I had an abscessed tooth, and then I had no food. I was actually supposed to be the landlord of this place and people would come to pay their rent and it was pitch black in my apartment. I saw a picture on the wall someone had made of Jonah inside a big fish and boy did I feel like Jonah right then. All of the glorious prophetic words that I had heard in the past seemed to just fly away, and now Satan was trying to get me offended with God. At first I really resisted, but then as my tooth was killing me and my hunger pangs were harsh, I finally let God know what I thought about all His rotten treatment after all I had done for Him. All the buried anger that had built up in me toward God just flooded out. I told Him that if things were reversed, that there was no way I would ever treat Him like this. It felt good in my flesh to finally vent my anger and frustration, but I could also feel that God was carefully listening to my ranting.

JOB 40:1 The LORD said to Job:2 "Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!"

We all think that we are super Christians until we are actually tested and shown what is really there, or not there. God already knows what is there; He just needs us to see it. He also needs to show us just how sovereign He really is and that we do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes out of His mouth. That was not the last self-pity session I ever had, but I learned that I had accumulated a lot of bitterness and pride over my relationship with God over the years where I kind of felt like He owed me since I had left and sacrificed all to follow Him. I had also had an abusive childhood, which seemed to be mirrored with some of what God was allowing to happen in my life. So that mountain of pain began to flood out with the right amount of triggers to draw it all to the surface. The wilderness is about bare minimum living conditions because God wants to break us of the world, and our idolatry of it. Telling God how you feel about something is fine, but harboring bitterness toward Him, or believing that you are entitled, will not fly. The wilderness is about getting to know your true self, even all the ugliness we keep buried and pushed down inside.

The dictionary defines self-pity as, "A feeling of sorrow (often self-indulgent) over your own self sufferings". But self-pity actually goes deeper than that, it is believing that someone or something is either giving you something that you don't deserve, or denying you something that you do deserve. It is saying that someone is not treating you as fairly as they should be. We can get ideas in our heads that God must treat us a certain way all the time, and we are not used to Him suddenly taking the reigns and taking absolute control of our lives. Especially when His actions are exactly what we don't want. But God knows that for us to grow, heal, and mature spiritually, that we must face who He really is, and who we really are. We live in a kingdom of absolutes and unhidden truth, but we have been living in our own self-made world of delusion for a very long time. God's plans are to have a real honest relationship with you where everything is laid on the table. God is a realist and He can show you more reality than you think you can handle, but His motives are always for your good, it is never meant to be punitive or abusive. God has great plans to bless you and use you in life, but He must dig up all the old lies that have been buried in your heart, and He wants to teach you that you can always trust Him no matter what happens.

JOB 42:10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before. 11 All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought upon him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring.12 The LORD blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first.